I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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