After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
