Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
