Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
