if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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