ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
