Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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