This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
