$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
