I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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