they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
