just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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