2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
