the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
