He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
