Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
