I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
