So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Less talking, more tequila
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
