How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
