This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
as a side note pls kill me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
