I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
