My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
