So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it was like eating out sand paper
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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