1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i don't like sucking hair
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
