I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
