girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
