Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
