Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
