Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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