you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
