either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
