My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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