I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
