his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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