it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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