weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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