That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
