I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
