I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
