You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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