i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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