I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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