you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
