guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
