You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
