Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
