Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
