I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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