I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
