he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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