We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
