its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
