Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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