Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
