i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
