Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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